I Can’t Control It - Posted In (1.0) General/Day-2-day Updates

Post: I Can’t Control It

Hey,
So after Banana, I trained myself.
I trained myself to be as cold as possible.
To mess with boys heads, get what I want, and then walk away.
Without the slightest bit of feeling.
And I was doing just fine.
More then fine, actually.
I could finally control my feelings.
No more lovin’.

So what has changed?
Why am I again falling for someone?
Even worse, I’m falling for someone who I’d never normally fall for.
Why him?
Why now?
…Why me?

All of a sudden, I’m being pushed back to what I used to be.
A girl who dreams of him everynight, and in lessons, begging for him to walk through the door.
I’m falling back into my old ways again, and I can’t control it.
I don’t want to feel like this.
I want to flirt, have fun, no feelings.
None.

He’s Grape’s best friend. My best friend’s ex (they only went out for a day, but still).
One of my best friends.
I don’t want to fall for him.
Why am I falling for C?
How do I pick myself up before it’s too late, and I (once again) end up broken hearted?

Nothing much happened today.
It was a good day.

Me and C decided I was pregnant.
We named it Jason.
We had a laugh.

But last lesson (science), things changed.
Grape had hurt his arm at lunch, and he couldn’t take the pain anymore.
He started crying in science. He was in megga pain.
Mrs asked me if I could carry his bags with him to the Student Reception.
He went home.
After I had gotten back to my lesson, all my energy was just gone.
I’m so tired.

After school, walking to my car, I was silent.
Just about taking everything in.
I think the day has just got to me.

I feel weak that I’m falling for C… I had a little cry when I got home in my room.
But it won’t last long.
I won’t let myself fall.

Love You,
Katie x

P.S Slutty dumped Banana yesterday morning.
I asked her why today.
“We just didn’t see much of eachother,”

If you like what you have read, why not Invite A Friend? &
or discuss it in the teen forums?
or subscribe and receive daily digest straight into your email inbox
Whatever you choose, just remember that at mycyc.com you can speak freely, ask whatever you want and most importantly, you can be yourself!