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Post: is this what god planned

so about 5 months ago i found out i was pregnant. i cant remember exactly how i felt…if i felt anything at all but all i know is my life is spiraling out of control. im 7 months now and its a boy. telling my family wasnt even the hardest part….but getting myself to believe it. im only 15 and will not turn 16 until december. i know you are prolly thinking im a dumb whore who didnt use protection. what you think is half true. yes it was dumb to not use protection and i regret that decsion everyday of my life. but im not a whore…ive only been with him. i thought i loved him…or maybe i still think i do. he doesnt matter right now. currently everyone around me is takking this well…even my dad who lets say hasnt shown much interest in me anyways. mostt days all i wonder is how “me” the one who always has things in control let things get so out of control. i let myself think false fantasies of love and love involved sex. but i was wrong…and the thing is my boyfriend would have been with me with or without sex….so it wasnt like i was pressured.i dont know how i let things falls apart. i think about god and how he is prolly frowning upon me and wanting me to be get back closer to him like i use to be. i wish i could find the courage to do the right things like it all use to be. i want to give my life to god and be the little girl that i was but i know that can never happen now. i also wonder if he is punishing me for my mistakes and sins. i know saying pregnancy is god’s punishment is horrible but i know plenty of girls who actaully do not use protection and sleep around and they never get pregnant. is this all in his greater plan for me? i want to think everything will work out and ill be a great mom and be okay but things keep getting in my way. i find it hard nowadays to not cry and i fake smiles and hide these tears. i dont think im depressed but close to it. theres so many things i have going on telling you would take all day for you to read and understand. just today my boyfriend and my baby’s father broke up with me and then as insignificant as this sounds my fish gets a injured. it seems like the little things that make me happy are fading away. sometimes i pretend i have no problems and that my life is perfect….but in reality its not. in the end i know i need to suck it up and get myself together but i just cant bring myself to do it. its summer break right now and i usually i would be hanging with friends and just kicking back but now im mostly home all day getting fat and thinking about supporting a baby and staying in school. those of you girls who arent pregnant and have to deal with this are very lucky and should be more grateful….i just wish i would have been because now my carefree life is over and i have to be an adult. maybe abortion would have been the easy way out but i believe this is my responsibility and i should take care of things not kill a child. i guess basically im on a journey to re find myself and get my life together. hopefully i can do it before things get even more out out of control.

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3 Responses to “is this what god planned”

  1. djtheropy Says:
    June 29th, 2008 at 1:19 pm

    having a baby whether it is planned or not is a blessing, a miracle of nature, i myself am not a religious person, however i will respect your beliefs. If you think your being punished by God then you are truely mistaken, yes you know people who have unprotected sex x times a week and have never got pregnant, thats not because God has punished you, its because he believes they do not deserve the blessing of a child and/or are not ready to take on the great responsibilities that come with it. OK your young, OK you should have been using protection, OK everyone WILL look down at you, however the only thing that should matter to you right now is that little miracle that is growing inside of you.

    Its gone past the stage of you should have done this or you should have used that, its done, get over it people, ignore what everyone says, you got something (or should i say someone) who is more important in your life now.

    BUT dont get me wrong, taking care of a baby is no stroll in the park, its hard (and rewarding) work.

  2. someone who cares Says:
    June 29th, 2008 at 2:53 pm

    For fifteen years old, you have made good choices and wise, adult decisions concerning your pregnancy. No, God’s plan for your life was not to have an unwanted pregnancy but now that is has happened; keeping the baby is what God would have wanted you to do. If your parent(s) are supportive, talk to them about your problems and struggles. They can be your biggest asset. Also, seek out support groups for teen mothers where you can share your feelings and receive help, support and advice. Churches are a good source for these types of support groups. Maybe try talking to your counselor at your high school. There are people out there who want to help but you have to be willing to take the first step and seek them out. You did so by asking for help with this on-line request. Do not feel ashamed for what has happened. Yes, it was a mistake but we all make mistakes and wrong choices. I myself made the same mistake. It is rough while this is going on but take heart that it gets better. My daughter is now twenty-five and she has two children. Make sure you continue your education and even college. Something else you can do is pray. God loves you, is concerned about you and also wants to help you. Keep pressing forward and don’t look back.

    Take care and god bless,
    Concerned

  3. chyeanna Says:
    July 25th, 2008 at 4:33 am

    I have many friends that are teen parents. Its not an easy thing especially at such a young age. But nothing is more special and precious than a baby. Now it may be hard but after the 9 months is up and you get to hold your beautiful baby in your arms nothing else in the world will matter. There are certain things you must do to make the life of your child the best it can be. Stay in school, keep your head high, and never give up. Things might seem hard but god never gives a challange we can’t except. This isn’t a punishment… Its a gift. I wish you all the luck in the world that you and your baby stay happy. Xoxo chyeanna

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