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Post: It’s Killing Me.

Heya,

So, went to my boyfriends house for the last time for 2 weeks yesterday.
(He’s going on holiday).
He left late last night/early this morning.
Right.. I don’t know who else to turn to. I want to tell someone like a friend, but I’m going to feel stupid.
I would phone Sa but I know she’s got some friend round from far away sleeping over for a few days.
I’ve decided that by writing to myself (if no-one reads this), I’m not actually telling anyone & I can feel stupid in the privacy of my own house.
Okay, I’m rambling. I’ll get straight to the point..

I’m being an idiot. Worse then that.. A helpless idiot.
Right.. JW is gone for two weeks.
I feel..
Lost.
Wtf is wrong with me? I’ve never felt this way before & it’s doing my nut in.
I just want to forget him for two weeks, we’ve been spending a lot of time together lately & I know for a fact that a two week break would make me realise how much I love him. It’ll be good for us.
So, my head is saying all that but my heart is just like, “Oh my Lord.. I need him. Like.. Now.”
It’s worse then that, TBH. My heart is screaming it.. & yes, there’s swearing included.
I just.. Don’t know how to be happy without him.
I really do feel just.. Lost.
& really stupid.
Like, last night, when it was time for me to go (about 11pm), he said he’d miss everything about me & we both cried.
I just wanted to hold him forever.. I know that’s it’s stupid & I’m acting like he’s dying but I don’t know what to do with myself.
The first thing that came to my head when I said that ^ was, “Keep yourself busy.”
But there’s only so much you can do and..
Ughhh.
When I think about all the days I’ll have to spend without him, I want to cry.
I know, I’m pathetic, lol.

Is it normal to feel like this?

Do I need help?

Lol.

Ughhh.
What do I do?
I’m scaring myself, y’know..
When I think about how much I’ve started to need him.. Jesus.
& we’ve only been dating for 5 weeks (5 weeks exactly today).
Oh, it was our month anniversary on Tuesday.. He got me flowers & chocolate :D
398.
Just looked at my word count.. 398 words. All about JW. (Well, 410 now).
I’m pathetic.
Our song just came on & it’s killing me. But I can’t turn it over.. I just, can’t.

God Sake.
Two weeks, please be gone.

Love,
Katie x

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2 Responses to “It’s Killing Me.”

  1. tera Says:
    August 19th, 2008 at 3:08 am

    It sounds like you’re in love and I have to adore your truth with yourself. Personally, I can’t see myself getting that attached ay my age, 16, but I think that it is adorable! Don’t feel down about your longing for your boyfriend’s return, we all wish for that kind of love, but maybe you should try getting your mind off of him. Don’t want to become too dependent and unable to live your own life. Btw, I’m not telling you to NOT love him. Haha. Try taking a walk with your family, since I saw that your friend was out of town. Or just hang out with anyone. ;]

    -Tera.

  2. Katie Says:
    August 19th, 2008 at 2:19 pm

    Mhm. Totally get what you’re saying there, Tera.
    I’ve been going out everyday and keeping myself busy with friends.. Last week went really quickly & I’m all booked up this week too.. It’s just difficult at night, because I’m not doing anything, all the feelings come back & I realise how much I miss him..
    Thank you for reading my post & for the advice.
    ♥

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