lost - Posted In (2.5) Games & Gaming

Post: lost

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im so lost. my way out is right there but i dont see. i cant see it. cuz im lost. and alone. in a room full of people im alone. how can that be? i could be in a room full of people with maps and i’d still be alone and lost. im lost, i dont know which way to go, what to do, what to say. i dont know what to say to him. he wants me to say yes. i want to say yes. but i also want to say no. i just dont know. im too lost. i want to tell someone but i cant. i wont. but i want to. i do things im not proud of and i want to tell them. but i cant. im too fearful of their judgements on me. what they’ll say, how they’ll act, what they’ll do. i just want to give up. just let whatever happens, happen. but i cant do that. i wouldnt be in control then. i need to be in control. thats why i do the things i do. to be in control. to show them im in control. of MY life. MY body. MY thoughts. IM in control. but oh how i want to just let my hair down, just let loose, not give a damn what anybody else thinks. to just go with the feeling. to be in the rush. to LIVE. but i just cant push myself to do it. i wont. i know i wont. because i couldnt deal with not being in charge. i cant. so i just sit here and watch life pass me by. i just sit here and let them tell me what to do. let him tell me what to do. how to act. what to say. when and where. i just sit there. while inside i know im not really in control of the things i do that no one knows about. i dont even know it but i do what i do BECAUSE of them. theyre the ones really in charge of my life. but i wont admit it. i’ll say im wrong. just doubting myself. but i know deep down that its true. im not even in control when i think im in control.

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